Gongaga Interlude
by Adrastia
Summary: A lil' thing I wrote some time ago. It takes place after the Turks fight with Cloud at Gongaga. Reno and Rude are having a rather humorous conversation while waiting for Elena to return from the village. She had to use the bathroom. Fun character stuff.


"I wonder what it's like," Reno said with casual interest.

"What?"

"Huh?" Reno answered. "Weren't you listening to me, Rude?"

Rude shook his head. "Sorry. Guess I was taking in the scenery."

"Or thinking about that Tifa chick's big boobs."

Rude looked away, slightly annoyed.

Reno ignored him and added, "Think they're real?"

"Implants are expensive," Rude said flatly.

"Well maybe that's how they pay her. AVALANCHE I mean. They bought her boobs."

Rude laughed quietly. A colorful butterfly landed on a flowering bush nearby. He watched it suck nectar from the blossom before taking off, his shaded eyes following it until it was out of sight.

"I didn't know you were into antomology," Reno said sarcastically.

"Entomology," Rude corrected.

"Ooh, I feel burned...," Reno said, feigning hurt. "And speaking of burns... Goddamn it's hot! It must be 300 degrees out here or something. Where the hell is Elena anyway?"

"She had to use the facilities," Rude answered.

"Can't she just go in the damn bushes or against a tree or something?"

Rude shook his head. "Girls don't do that."

"Wish she were a guy. Then we'd be outta this jungle already."

Rude shook his head again, smiling slyly. "No you don't. Wouldn't be the same..."

Reno shrugged. "Guess not. She's still mad at us you know."

Rude said nothing, glancing in either direction for Elena.

"Yeah," Reno continued. "She really read us off. Said we were having a sixth grade level schoolyard chat. I think she's pissed that you know about her huge crush on Tseng. I still can't believe I hadn't noticed before. I feel so stupid, you know. Now that I think about it... It's so obvious!"

Rude nodded. "And you thought she liked me...,"

"Yeah. I dunno. I think I was just fishing for a reaction."

Rude said nothing. A tropical bird flew overhead. It's plumage was loud and garish against the hazy sky.

"Man was she mad, Reno began, kicking a small stone. "Mouthing off to Cloud about us. Making us look bad. That noob thinks we're immature slackers."

Rude raised an eyebrow, glancing back to Reno. "She might be right..."

"What was that, big guy?"

Rude shrugged. "Nothing."

"Anyway," Reno went on. "We're professionals. She's just... Elena."

"You don't mean that..."

"Yeah. Guess I don't," Reno admitted with some difficulty. "Heat must be getting to me. I think I'm already dead from it and you're just a mirage."

"Dead people don't see mirages. They see the Lifestream."

"I could sure use a drink...," Reno said, licking his dry lips. "That Lifestream sounds pretty good right about now."

"You can't drink from the Lifestream," Rude said, amused.

"Aww... Why not?"

"You'll kill the dead people."

Reno burst out laughing. Rude's delivery was so deadpan and perfect that Reno just couldn't help it. "That's a real gem there, Rude. We'll have to save that one for Elena. If she ever comes back that is."

"She hasn't been gone that long," Rude replied.

"Five minutes is long enough. I know it takes women longer. They have to check their hair and wash their hands and stuff-"

"I wash my hands," Rude interrupted.

"I don't. Waste of time," Reno smirked.

"Glad I wear gloves when I'm around you."

"You're always around me," Reno said, sticking out his tongue.

"All the more reason to wear gloves..."

Reno laughed and put his hands into his pockets. He knew it wasn't a good idea for them to roam the village in a pack after their confrontation with Cloud. But maybe it was a bad idea to let the rookie go off alone. Even if it was just to find a bathroom in the village. Sooner or later she'd have to learn to use the bushes.

"I think we better go look for her, Rude," Reno suggested. Just in case she went and did something noobish on us."

Rude nodded in agreement and they started down the path towards the village. Suddenly he asked, "What were you trying to tell me before? When I wasn't listening?"

"Oh that!" Reno answered. "Yeah we got off track there, didn't we? I was gonna ask you what you thought it was like to have a gun-arm."

"A gun-arm?" Rude asked, confused.

"Yeah, like that guy from AVALANCHE. Barret."

Rude shrugged. "I have no idea what it would be like."

"I think it might be pretty cool," Reno continued, casually picking a fern leaf and discarding it on the ground next to him as he walked. "How do you control it anyway?"

"Muscle movements I guess."

"Then you should definitely get a gun-arm," Reno laughed, clapping Rude on the back.

"No thank you. I like my arms the way they are."

"Oh well. Anyway, what happens if you have muscle spasms or pitch a fit or something like that?"

"Then you end up on the evening news," Rude said with the same deadpan delivery. "Film at eleven."

Reno had just began laughing at that when Elena came down the path. She was overheated and her hair, damp from sweat, hung in her eyes. In her disheveled state she thought they were laughing at her. Elena clenched her fists and muttered something under her breath.

"Finally!" Reno cried. "Took you long enough. So, why didn't you fix your hair?"

"I did...," The blonde answered, annoyed. "Any more snide remarks?"

Reno looked contemplative for a second, resting a finger on his temple as if in deep thought. "No. That's it."

Elena sighed, frustrated. Why did he have to be like that in this kind of heat?

Reno sighed as well. But for a different reason. It was time to patch things up with Elena. Even if he thought it was stupid and Elena was being immature, he might as well make things more bearable for everyone by humbling himself,. At least for a moment. "And by the way, we weren't laughing at you, blondie. We were talking about that dude with the gun-arm. That's all. Your hair looks ok. I hear the wet look is in this season."

"Is that some sort of apology for something?" Elena asked coldly, strolling past him.

Reno shrugged. "Beats me. You're the one who should know whether or not it is."

"Can we go now?" Elena asked. "We have an assignment."

"Jeez, Elena. You're turning into a mini-Tseng. Who cares right now! Let's just get out of this blaring heat first before we all die of heat prostation."

"Prostration," Elena corrected.

"Does everyone have to correct me today? Here I am trying to be a nice guy and she's-"

Rude, deciding to intervene because it was too hot for this nonsense, put his hand up. "Enough already.

Please..."

"Thank you," Elena said, nodding towards Rude.

"What took so long, Elena?" Rude asked. "We were worried."

"I can take care of myself!"

"That's not what I meant...," the bald Turk answered.

Elena relented at this and proceeded to recant the reason for her delay. "They wouldn't let me use the damn

bathroom unless I bought something. Everyone closed their doors to me except the item shop. How dare they do that!"

"Comes with the territory, babe," Reno answered. "People out here don't like Shinra too much. They're either so scared to death of you that they'll do whatever you want or they'll treat you like a walking disease."

"You'll get used to it, Elena...," Rude added. "At least you made out alright though."

"Alright? It was a compost toilet!" Elena cried, disgusted. "How backwards can you get?"

"Just be glad it wasn't an outhouse," Reno replied, adding because he couldn't resist and the heat was making his brain jumpy, "You know, with the little cutout moon on the door. Cletus peering through it see what color panties you're wearing-"

Elena was disgusted at the thought of that. "Eww..."

"Sorry," Reno said apologetically. It's the heat. Heat's got me...," The red head changed tones quickly. "So, what did you buy?"

Elena looked irritated at the mere notion of her purchase. "A potion."

Reno looked like a drifter brought out of the desert. "Sweet. I know it's not the best tasting stuff in the world but I really need something to drink. So why not be a doll and hand it over?"

"Sorry, Reno," Elena began, annoyed at something that wasn't Reno or Rude, but rather what happened to cost her the hated potion in the first place. "I used it."

"You drank it? What about me?" Reno whined. This time he wasn't playing around. He was getting very dehydrated.

"I didn't drink it because I was thirsty, Reno," Elena explained, feeling enraged from the heat herself. "I used it because I was attacked by these stupid bug monsters!"

"Why didn't you run?" Reno asked.

"Because I was surrounded!"

Reno sighed. "Ok, ok. At least you're alive."

Elena looked surprised. "You really care then..."

"Yeah, yeah. We care alright?" Reno replied, scratching his head, slightly embarrassed by his own admission. "Now let's go already. Before I die of thirst. I think we passed a stream on the way in and I'm gonna drink the whole damn thing."

Rude smiled to himself as the three of them made their way back. He hoped Reno left some of that stream for everybody else. He was pretty thirsty himself.


End file.
